Right now I’m in this pathetic condition where I couldn’t do anything to finish my tasks. Helloo… the hearing’s 2 weeks ahead & I haven’t done ANYTHING?? Too bad…
It’s not because of my sickness – what the hell of it, it’s just sorethroat & cold. I don’t know why, but my brain keeps refusing me from opening the folder named ‘TA’. Oh my… It’s no good at all… Ok, I know that most of my friends are having the same problems with me, but should I be calm of it? I need to finish it tonight, coz I still have plenty works to do, including those practices (monday, wednesday, friday, saturday, etc.. etc…) Oh noooo…..
Well, then. Remembering the time I’m gonna spend in the next few weeks wouldn’t make me feel better, it just gives me more pressure on the back of my head. Get off. It’s true that I don’t have plans for my future. I’ve got dreams, but I haven’t really got plans. Everything will just flow as it has to be. So, let it be!
I don’t know what should I do after I get the degree. I was chasing for a scholarship to Italy, but right now I don’t feel like I’m really into it. Master in design? No. I’m not interested in it & also can’t see my future there. Master in light design? Get a job in an interior design consultant? No… I don’t feel like I’m really into them.
I don’t wanna work 9 to 5 in the office, sitting in front of the computer & get fat. That’s not healthy at all! Beside, I hate wasting my time. I wanna make something rather than sitting & waiting for promotions. That’s so not me! I wanna work freely, mobile, traveling around the world, meeting many different people, jumping from one place to another, making great influences to the world. I don’t want my life to be wasted by ‘only decorating houses’.
It’s just that I don’t love the job.
After all, I just wanna play violin & viola. I’ve lost violin once, & I don’t wanna loose it again. I believe God brought me back to violin based on something.
I shouldn’t have touched Zerlin again few years a go if I’m not fated to be in this world.
I shouldn’t have met those talented people who supported me this far, if I’m not fated to play violin better.
I shouldn’t have won Eyang Utammy if I’m not fated to have it, to play it, to make music with it.
I shouldn’t have asked to join Astro if I’m not fated to increase my ability in playing viola, while I was in despair & full of hatred to this instrument.
God gave me everything I need. But of course, I’m the one who’ll decide whether I’d use them or not. I’ve got dreams, but I don’t have plans. What the hell of it. I’ll grab them right on.
Yes, I am a dreamer. A dreamer who’s striving so hard to make her life happy ever after. That’s all. Not bad, eh?
